The Thirsty dead starts off in a strip club in the Philippines. Classic exploitation, and the main plot seems to follow that trend. For the 2nd time in 48hours a girl has disappeared from the streets of Manila Although the stripper has a unique take on this threat, How would you like to a be a white slave honey – show me where to join Oddly, given this bit of weird character development, Claire here is not our lead, Youre not making any sense Thats Laura, whos kidnapped after the title sequence, by men in monk outfits, that I think weve seen before in kung fu Cannibals. Take off their clothes.
She soon meets her fellow victims, including Claire, preparing to be sold into prostitution in Hong Kong. If you can make a buck not even leave your bedroom, youve really got it Claire continues to take a very odd attitude to this, not least because if she wanted to make the career change from stripper to hooker, I dont think she had to be kidnapped first, however much shes enjoying it. But things change when they arrive at a mysterious mountain settlement.
Holy good Jesus Im starting to think we wont get to be prostitutes at all, Dont say that This is Shangri-La by any other name and its inhabitants, enjoy representational theatre, painting tiny cats and worshipping the head of Colonel Kutrz preserved in jelly. ‘Seed of our seed, father of our immortality,’ Despite the obligatory prison hot tub ‘Oh yes.’ and a brief cannibal attack towards the end, the exploitation aspects now vanish, theres little blood, no nudity and the story segues into Lost Horizons territory. Its me With a bit of She thrown in as Laura follows the predictable path of lead girls in this sort of film. Theres this old painting, it looks like me Ill try to contain my amazement.
The girl most likely to be sacrificed to a pagan god Quite the reverse, Laura is given better accommodation and new clothes, while her friends are selected for the blood draining ritual. Let the ceremony begin. ‘Rahul will keep us young forever. Which gives these people their eternal life, and they invite Laura to join them. Drink in eternal life Oh its so awkward being around other cultures. I dont wish to offend This isnt taking your shoes off at the door, this is drinking your friends blood. Its okay to not be cool with it. Thats evil Its taken more than half the film to reach the point where, having been kidnapped, imprisoned, bled, and thrown in with the pit people, someone finally says; you know what, I like to be open minded when I travel, but this is imposition.
This place is frightening to me prior to this point… But if anyone gives me a bed this comfortable, cant be all bad Claire is obviously having a great time and the less screwed up girls seem baffled that they arent. I had the worst dreams last night Really? Thats strange Meanwhile their kidnappers seem just as baffled by any sign of discomfort. Is something wrong? Heres the thing, there are some good stories in exploitation cinema that are undermined by the single-minded pursuit of sex and violence, and taking those elements away to focus on the story is a good call. No you dont make sense But this barely has a story; the escape is way too easy because they never feel trapped. We have to get out of here. How? Maybe we can pick the lock in the bead curtain? ‘Alright, alright, story of my life, one night stands.
The love interest is perfunctory yet overwrought Now I dont know what I feel or if I feel, Im dust Thats what a girl wants to hear. Youre being romantic Its by numbers: they arrive and are weirdly cool with it. Thngs could be worse honey they find out its bad. Its madness, its insane They try to leave and are recaptured by old I dont know what I feel Who then helps them actually escape, ‘Come.’ losing his eternal life in the process, ‘We have passed the ring of age.’ and they hijack a man who cant believe his luck. It wouldnt be better with the exploitation stuff, Its voodoo here But without it this is 90 minutes of predictable, vanilla nothing.