The Stuff which was a hilarious attempt at a horror movie which was so bad that it just felt like an extended Goosebumps episode by the end. And even that, would be an insult to the Goosebump TV Show since every episode of that TV Show is better than every act of this horrendous movie. Let’s begin the review. Okay so when this movie begins, a random guy just sees some white blob thingy among the snow and what do people do when they see weird stuff like this on the ground? They, of course, taste it, am I right? Just because it’s not snow, it must be tasted and licked, am I right? And not only does he taste it himself, he also makes his friend taste it… This guy is the worst friend ever. Like ok, he wants to taste weird stuff that is just there on the ground but why make his friend taste it too? This opening is just weird…. Like most of the movie. Okay so let’s talk about the characters of this movie.
There’s a character named “Mo” in this movie. Now why is he called Mo? Because every time someone gives him something he always wants… more? What? I am not even joking, that’s an actual thing in the movie. Anyways, he is a former FBI agent and this film thinks that all FBI agents are basically superhumans because he just easily breaks people’s jaws in the movie.
I guess the actual reason they included that jaw breaking scene is so that this movie could be R-rated to mislead the audience into thinking that this is actually a scary horror movie. Like seriously, how is this R Rated? The poster looks scarier than anything in the entire movie! And there wasn’t even any gore in this movie and no, weird melted ice cream coming out of your mouth does not count as gore. And yes, there was some blood in the film but the scenes with blood only lasted for like a split second. And even the blood looked soooo fake.
When you are making a horror movie, you want to give the illusion to the audience of the blood and gore and all being real. Anyways, there’s also a kid character in this movie who sees The Stuff moving at night and then makes it his mission to erase The Stuff from the world. Like seriously, could he not think for once that what he saw could be hallucination made up by his sleepy drowsy eyes or maybe even a dream?! I know that what he saw was correct but it is really implausible that he made it his mission to destroy the Stuff just after seeing it move at night. There’s also this person who just randomly pops up in the movie from time to time but he was pretty great in the final scene. Still don’t appreciate him randomly popping into the movie though. Okay so let’s talk about the Stuff itself.
I wish The Stuff was a thing that wasn’t distributed by a company but something that instead killed people on it’s own. And also, if it was distributed everywhere and everyone was addicted to it, why didn’t all those people die? They said at the end that only thousands were casualties of The Stuff but millions of people ate it, right? This movie told us that almost ALL people were addicted to it so how were there only thousands of casualties? This movie having some actual rules about the Stuff would make the movie better and The Stuff actually killing people that ate it would make it much more terrifying. Okay so at the end everyone gets to know about the true nature of The Stuff and destroy it and it’s stores. The ending is pretty much a mess and undoubtedly the worst act of this movie but it still did have my favorite scene of this movie in it, which was the Random Guy turning into a monster thanks to The Stuff.
They even had his face getting distorted and all. THIS is what I want to see from this movie! Why didn’t all humans who ate it gets turned into zombies like the Random Guy? Seeing this was absolutely awesome! Also, they show that at the end, people still try to buy The Stuff, showing that some people just can’t let go of their addiction to dangerous things. Rating- 3/10